Week before I leave

Well there happens to be only three and a half days before I am off to Italy. Everyone always asks if I am excited and nervous, which I suppose I am, but truthfully more then anything I still don’t think about it much. I mean of course the night before I have to get on the plane my mind will be positively racing, but up until that point my mind pretty much preys on the present and doesn’t give much flattery to the fast-approaching future.

Packing and dealing my with my over-excitable mum seems almost more like a game, then the neccesary prequestite of travelling. I do find that these pre-departure days gives me more ample opportunity to write to-do lists, which makes me very happy because I have always been fond of to do lists.

I find that right before I leave people and friends come to mean a lot more to me. I like spending time with as much people as I can. Shajahan has been hanging around the house while we pack and it almost makes me feel all content like I used too when I had step brothers. I like the energy of a young male around the house, although it makes me all the more bitter that I ended up as an only child. Of course, many would argue that Shajahan is indeed not a young male, but I think that whats in his heart is more important then his outer appearance. And he is definetely young at heart.

Tommorow is my going away party and before that Cassie and I get to spend all day going to see movies. She’s also accompanying me to the airport on sunday
I wish Bill could be there…but I know its my fault that he’s not. Its also lovely that we have been talking all week and a lot of the time we resort back to our loving, comfortable jabber without all the extra sadness and pain. Of course it always comes back in between, but it makes me think that with time it will just get less and less.

Anyway, I should probably go back over to my mums before she has a heart attack with worrying about things to do for my trip. Someone has to be there with a level-head, you know?

I am, therefore I think.

Thought is a relative tool to configure whether or not something exists or not. In order to think, one must exist. But is it neccesary for one to think if one exists? Or can one exist without thought and feeling? The one-celled amoeba is the most primitive eukaryotic form of life known in the contemporary world. The amoeba has no memory, very poor awareness, and bad coordination. Through evolution the specialization of cells was neccesary in order to create a self-sufficient, symbiotic, higher intelligent being. However, even though the intelligence of an amoeba is far less complex than our human minds, the very fact that communication is being sent throughout the body of the amoeba (no matter how slowly) is proof that the organism is living and percieiving. I very much doubt that the amoeba has a high enough intelligence to think actively about its own existence, and yet…according to human standards it still exists. Therefore, it must not be required to think in order to be; in order to exist. “I think therefore I am” once said Descartes. Yet according to Jean-Paul Sarte ‘existence precedes essence’, therefore a more accurate proposal would be, “I am, therefore I think.” In my conclusions what I am seeing is that the relationship between existing and thinking is not so converse as it seems.

A may equal B, but I am not convinced that there is enough evidence that B equals A.

Defying the laws of mathematics is something only as powerful and complex as our conscious and self-aware mental functions could achieve.

Unlike nonliving matter, living organisms can respond to, percieve, and be felt by the outside world. We are able to do this through our senses of hearing, smelling, touching, seeing, and tasting, but just because we are concious of our surroundings and our ability to think, does this make us above non-living material? Silently and efficiently, millions of nerve cells pass messages back and forth within our brains, but who is to say these messages ultimately mean anything? Who is to say that our thoughts and feelings are more than just random occurences in an absurd and meaningless habitat referred to as our “brain”? Perhaps in the long run we matter to the world about as much as a rock does, but than again perhaps not. Nothing is ever certain.The absurdity of our human existence is that we can never find the answers, we can never be reassured that our Being in this world means something, we can never be positively sure what being a Being in this world even means.